Life's Like That

Saturday, March 13, 2010

My family and other animals

Its Saturday afternoon, I'm rudely awakened from my post (heavy) lunch siesta, by a phone call:

My Mother (sounding slightly hysterical): Aami bari chere chole jaabo. (I will walk out of this house and never come back)

Me( not surprised or shocked by this oft repeated statement and still not fully awake): Uh hummm

Mom (hysteria increasing): Aar parchi na, as if I did'nt have enough trouble already. (I can't take it anymore)

Strange sounds heard in the background...

Strange sound 1: hoooooownooooooooohhhhsososbsniffsnifffff

Strange sound 2: hissssssmmmmmmmmaawwwwhissss

Me: Where are you? Whats that noise?

Mom: At home. (redoubled hysteria) Cats!!!! And your sister.

Me (truly baffled): Eh?

Mom (hysterical shriek): This girl. This unspeakable pest of a girl. Dukhana beral niye esheche. Cardboard box e kore. (Shes brought two cats home. In a cardboard box)

Me: Rather resourceful na...cardboard box and everything.

Mom(wildly) : Nongra aggressive bhoyanok beral. Kache gelei aanchre dichche. Aar fhyansh fyansh korche.Shunchish na. Ki hobe. (Dirty aggressive fiendish cats. Cant you hear? Scratching us the second we get close. And hissing. What to do)

Strange sound (reaching a crescendo): Sobsobsob whooonnnooooo...they are smaaaaall and scareddddd, sosbsosbwail wail...indecipherable something....

Me(enlightened): Oh Rimpu knadche bujhi? (Is that Rimpu crying?)

Mom: Knadche. Hrrrrrrmmmmmmpph. Syringe niye esheche aabar. (Crying. Has brought a syringe)

Me( somewhat alarmed): Sheki!! Syringe niye ki hobe!! Drugs nebaar taal korche naki? Tao aabar openly? (What!! Why a syringe? Is she planning to take drugs ? That too openly?)

Mom ( exasperatedly hysterical) Of course not. She is insisting that I feed the cats milk with a syringe. Erokom nyaka beral jonme dekhi ni. (Never seen such nyaka cats in my life).

Strange sound 2: Hiiiiiiiiiiisssssshisssssss meeeoooowwwww hisssssssss.

Me: Sounds scary. Why a syringe? Maane are you expected to inject them with milk? Intraveneous milk ki bhalo idea? (Is intraveneous milk a good idea?)

Mom(sounding quite loony by this time) : Jani na. Dhorbo ki kore. Aanchre dichche. Im covered in scratches. Syringe e kore doodh khawate koto shomoy laagbe. Aami Himaloye chole jabo. Oooohoooooohooooo. Tor Baba bari eshe ki hobe. O baba aabar box theke beriye edik odik palache ( I don't know. How will I catch them? Scratching me. How much time will it take to feed milk through a syringe? I will take off for the Himalayas. What will your Father say when he comes home? Oh God. They have jumped out from the box and are running here and there.)

Strange sound 1 : Wnaaaaaaaaahhhh leeett mee keeeeep theeemmm EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK OUCCCCHHHH oooooooooooohhhhh

Me: She just got scratched didnt she?

Mom (Loon alert): Dhordhordhor....eeeeee normodaye dhuke jachcheee..Nyakami na koree dhoro na aapod gulo ke (Catch 'em catch 'em....they are going down the drain. Catch them cant you!?)

Me: Hmm, yes, so I will call you later. When things are calm.

Mom: Gelo gelo shooob gelo. (All hell has broken loose)

Ends call.

Say what you will about my family but we are an entertaining bunch. Not to mention unexpected.

PS: I cannot translate nyaka. It is beyond my linguistic abilities.