Life's Like That

Monday, June 26, 2006

Kuch toh log kahenge...contrived.. yes, but it just keeps playing in my head

Things happened over the weekend. Not nice things, not funny things..not stuff that I exaggerate and write about here and then laugh about later. Someone who should ideally have been close to me hurt me...bad. I have not been able to ask why she did what she did (or in this case didnt do)...but if I know this person, it was probably because she was afraid that if she did do it, she would be inviting adverse comments from her friends and family....what will people say...that was probably why.
I have come across this way of thinking many times in the past. Its very difficult for me to come to terms with this obsession with what people will say. Maybe most Indian families live with this fear of people bitching about them,but I belong to that small minority which doesnt. My mother brought me up to believe that if I am convinced that what Im doing is not wrong, then I have nothing to fear from what people say about me. The strength of my own conviction is all I need. Ive seen her live her life on these terms. I respect that. I thank my stars I grew up with this kind of liberal thinking. My fact both my parents, have always been very unconventional in terms of the freedom they gave me and still give my sister, the kind of things they defend us against. Thank god for that.
But now, Im having to face this completely different situation. Where people forget basic courtesy for fear of what people will say. Where they are downright rude and humiliating. People have said the most amazingly hurtful things to me over the past few months and justified it by saying that they were saying all this because in the past they have been in the same situation and heard all sorts of things from people so they dont want to repeat the experience.
I guess from their point of view its all justified and perfectly acceptable behaviour. But I cannot understand how you can go around hurting someone close to you, for some random bitchy people who have nothing better to do than gossip and say nasty things? How can anyones sense of priorities be soooo completely screwed up? Who are these people that one is soo scared of? Relatives? Friends? Acquaintance?? In my opinion any friend/ relative/ acquaintance who freely bitches about stuff thats happning in your life and spreads gossip and rumours about you, is not worth it. Friends like this should be dropped immediately. Relatives be ignored and acquaintances put in their place. How can anyone with any sense let these people come in the way of people who actually matter?
I dont know what to think, how to deal with the way Im feeling. Am I wrong in the way I think? Is it really a done thing to be so concerned with random people's bitchiness that you go around hurting those close to you? I dont know what to think anymore. All I know is that I have never been this miserable in all my life. What I wouldnt do to be able to go home to my mother right now and never leave again.


  • Read your title again and again until you realize that it really is not worth it. If someone who is close to you fails to understand and respect your feelings then that person is truly not worth staying close to you. I have faced that, dealt with it and survived. Believe in yourself and what you know is right. YOu know what matters the most and stick by it. Take care. *sends cyber hug*

    By Blogger M (tread softly upon), at 6:55 AM  

  • awwwwwwwww... never mind baby. These things happen and keep happening. I'm not even as direct as you, that I drop these "friends". It's not friendship anymore though, I know I can't rely on them or trust them ever again. But I somehow can't blame them for being the way they are... can't be judgemental myself!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:21 AM  

  • It's not very bright to worry about what morons say. Or will say.

    Is it bright to fret about what morons do? Or don't do?

    Chill. Rum-bhakti holds the answer.


    By Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock, at 6:30 AM  

  • I second JAP-da.If you are true in your prayers of Rum-bhakti you will achieve that level nirvana where Maya( not the memsaab one :) begins shreding her clothes. Tokhon just like Thakur you too will say "Lok na pok".

    By Blogger Chilla-Bong, at 7:31 AM  

  • *Hugs*. Everyone pretty much said what I could have said esp. M(tread softly upon).

    By Blogger Dreamcatcher, at 8:16 AM  

  • 'Who cares?' attitude is the best. But I understand it's not always easy to implement this attitude among people close to you. The second best way to overcome this is 'forget and forgive' policy.

    By Blogger Kele Panchu, at 12:13 PM  

  • I think bitching is a defense mechanism of sorts for most people. So it's generally quite futile trying to think that they'll be having a guilt conscience about it. They don't.
    Of course if it's someone near and dear, there's no other route than being patient and forgiving.

    By Blogger Rapid I Movement, at 2:09 PM  

  • You, You of all people getting affected by sundry bitches and bitching?? C'mon Ron....cho let's have a girly night out. Think you need it;) Gimme time and date. I'll help you wash those blues away.

    By Blogger Priya, at 10:29 PM  

  • Well ron,
    Think of it this way..its only people u care about can really hurt u...what a stranger says or does will not affect us in anywayz!
    Unfortunately thats the reality of life and well..its very natural of u to feel the way u do

    By Blogger Ekta, at 11:36 PM  

  • dear ron.. u wont face these situations if u did more of the following:
    1. stopped being so full of yourself
    2. Talked less and LISTENED more
    3. attempted to empathise with others thoughts and perspective
    4. started blogging more positives

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:51 AM  

  • Dear Ron,

    I guess you you could blame it on your upbringing - which taught you to be primarily nice to people. They, who taught you wern't really wrong. But by a quirk of fate, we are caught in a time, when politeness if often confused with weakness.

    Try not to change. I know it hurts when someone finds out and makes use of your vulnerability. Especially when it is someone supposed to be close to you. But I guess the goodness inside you needs no certification from anyone. Not even from someone supposed to be close to you.

    By Blogger Deep, at 5:46 AM  

  • Dear pontificating anon... how nice of you to take upon yourself to dole out sure-shot recipes that make others’ lives meaningful: by analysing people on the basis of their blogs.

    But trust me, I’ve known Ron for a while and you would do good to pick your bag of sound advice and shifted shop. In case you don’t want to, I’d advice that you stuff your vestigial family jewels in your mouth so that not much sound emanates from it. For, trust me, your idea of advice, not matter how cleverly you think you are using bullet points, sucks (pun really, really intended).

    And as Ron pointed out, if you were really abused by your family while you were young, leave a comment here. I would be more than pleased to guide you to some remand homes, where they pad the walls of the cells so that the likes of you do not hurt their own selves with their stupidity.

    By Blogger Deep, at 6:16 AM  

  • Ei, kuch to lok kahenge. Nijei to likchcho. Aabar dukkho pachcho. Patta diyo na to. Jara tomake hurt korte pare, obviously they are not worth your time. Because you are nice, and find it difficult to be as rude as others or indulge in PNPC, people will look at you queerly. Anyone not as common and bitchy, as say, our own Anon here, is immediately the target of gossip, simply because that person dares to be different.
    You are wonderful. Don't let a bunch of morons depres you. *hugs you tight*

    By Blogger i dwell in possibility, at 12:33 PM  

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