Life's Like That

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Quirky Me

I am quite a quirky person, some people would call it weird, but since this is my blog I shall ignore such people! Hrmph! Also, I am bored and see no harm in boring the rest of you with 10 irrelevant details about the most fascinating person I know...ME!!!! So here goes:

I am a weirdo magnet. The world's most weird people seem to instinctively sense some kind of kinship with me and come off to bond. Let me give you an example: G and I were waiting for someone on Brigade Road when this vague man with an American twang came and asked us if we could help him. I thought he needed directions to some place and said yes of course, after which he proceeded to sit next to me and tell me how he had come to India to search for a wife, and 5 minutes ago he saw someone in a shoe shop and fell in love. "How do I tell this woman I love her? I just saw her in a shop, I dont know how to reach her" was his plaintive query. Forget the idiocy of his situation, the fact that there were 2 of us, but Wife Hunter chose to confide in ME should tell you what a weirdo magnet I am. There was also the strange man with white spots on his shorts, on a train back from Bombay, who sat next to me and sang "Meri zindaaagiiii hi kyaaaa ek kati patang haiii" and told me his life story and that he wanted to get married. He totally ignored G and A and latched on to me!! Uff!

I frequently talk to myself, although I prefer to think of it as "thinking aloud". I verbalise my thoughts, so shoot me. Also when Im very very tense about meeting someone, I tend to rehearse my conversation with the person I am to meet, wherein I double up as that person as well. For eg:
Me: hello aunty.
Me asRahuls mom: hello beta, nice to finally meet you(just before our first meeting).
Thats not so weird is it?

Yes, well, *ahem*! Lets move on. The strangest things keeps happening to me for no fault of mine. The other day my auto driver stopped the auto, got out, and returned with a large live owl which he proceeded to put in the space behind the passenger seat. Naturally I freaked and ran for my life. But the point is, noone I spoke to has had any such experience...most people wanted to know why such things happen only to me. I dont know, they just do :(

I cannot eat babycorn unless its been chopped into small pieces. Cutting it lenghtwise and serving it to me wont work, no matter how well its been cooked. It reminds me of lizards!

I always always finish the curry and keep a small bit of roti or naan or paratha or whatever, aside to eat emni emni (translation: without any curry, plain). When eating a roll, I eat 2/3rds of it normally, then open it out, eat the chicken and then slowly eat the paratha. I scrape the cream off cream biscuits and eat the biscuit first and only then eat the scraped off cream. I scrape the chocolate off Kit Kat and then eat the wafer. I somehow detach the chocolate covering of a chocobar, put it on a plate and keep in the freezer, then eat the vanilla bit and then eat the chocolate covering...mmmm. I eat the shingara (samosa) covering first and then the stuffing. I pick green peas out of the curry and save to eat last. Please note, I do most of the above (the more disgusting things anyways) in the privacy of my own house when noone is looking, never in public.

I cant look at people brushing their teeth. Grosses me out. And that includes me. I do not look in the mirror while brushing.

I swear fluently and frequently in English, but cannot bring myself to say the same words in Bengali or Hindi without blushing and dying of embarrasment. For eg: dumb f*** is a frequently used term, but ask me to say the Bengali equivalent and I would much rather go and cross Cunningham Road 16 times.

I cannot change clothes in room containing pictures / posters of people looking straight at me (i.e looking into the camera). I feel they are looking at me. This problem with photographs extend to other situations as well...will leave that one to your imaginations.

I have developed an obssesive compulsive disorder as far as locking doors, windows, turning off the gas, lights, geysers etc is concerned. Especially before leaving the house or before I sleep at night. I check everything 3-6 times at least, as a consequence Im always late for work :(

I am a neatness and cleanliness freak. Now this may come as a HUGE shock to my family, considering the pig stye like condition of room they are used to, but ever since Ive moved into my own place I seem to have turned into a neat and clean demon. If the maid doesnt come for a day, I feel sick to just see the dusty floors.Clothes must be immediately folded and put away neatly in the cupboard. Things should be exactly where and how I had put them originally and so on and so forth. Its very scary, I scare myself at times.

So thats that. Im not thaaaaaaat weird am I? I mean, ok, agreed Im slightly...umm...eccentric, but not TOTALLY weird as some people have been telling me I I? Whats the weirdest thing about you? Tell me,let me compare...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Tick tock tick tock

Im sorry about this disappearing act of mine, it really is threatening to become a habit. I cant help it, I was sooooo busy all this time…. Delhi Colleague 2 was here, being annoying and dumb and Delhi like, had 2 events, had to go to Chennai for a wedding, discuss dal with T at 12 in the night …so many things. You tell me, with a life as full of stuff as this how can you blame me for not posting sooner?

Anyways, now that excuses have been made and hopefully accepted, lets move on, shall we?

I am feeling very motherly…maane, maternal instincts, for some reason, are bubbling over. I don’t particularly want to have a baby now,( I think I would be labeled a “fallen woman” if I did) or anytime in the near future, but it would be nice to play with a ready made baby. To coo over it, pat its tiny hands, feed it Cerelac...stuff like that. I do not, however, have access to babies of any description. And people are being rather uncooperative as far as having babies (or obtaining them for me…yes Arka I mean you) is concerned. Most disappointing.

The worst part though, is that small children of all shapes and sizes are being thrust at me from all sides. And I DO NOT like children. Don’t get me wrong…I love babies…small cuddly little things, but children I detest. According to me, a young human being under the age of 5 is a baby…its sweet and nice, cant talk clearly (at least I think so), has attitude but not too much of it, is cuddly and likes being cuddled. Anything beyond the age of 5 is obnoxious and toooooo full of attitude and troublesome and a thorough pest.
Ideally (spare me the criticisms will ya?) I would like to have a baby sometime in my life but give it away to someone when it turns 5, and maybe take it back when it is about 21 years old. Can’t bear the years in between. Teenagers….oooh *shudders*

Actually, one can’t really blame the kids, parents these days don’t seem to understand the concept of discipline and teaching their offspring good manners. My parents would scold me when I spoke out of turn or when I interrupted people when they were talking…something I don’t see too many people doing these days. Its impossible to have a conversation with my friend if her 7-year-old daughter is around…that attention starved little pest will interrupt every 5 secs with some comment or question or the other. All the while her mother will smile beatifically and I will be forced to transform my “uffff can I just slap this kid” feelings into “isn’t she a doll” type of reaction…through gritted teeth of course!!

And what’s with the shouting and screaming and running around in public places? Its not your house kid! Don’t scream and don’t run around other people. How hard is it for parents to tell their children that? On the train to Chennai, poor sleep deprived me was desperately trying to take a nap…but how could anyone sleep with this little boy yelping (please read with a strong South Indian accent) “DADDEEEEEE why is the sky so high?” type question every few minutes? Once the questioning stopped, the word games began, this time with AMMAAAAA. And once AMMAAA started I realized why the child didn’t know how to keep his voice down. Ufff!!! Then of course was the physical games with ANNNNNAAAAAA, which involved thundering down one end of the aisle to another and shrieking incessantly. Loud comments about ill-mannered children and useless parents had no effect whatsoever. That was one thick-skinned loud family. Oh and inordinately proud of their pestilential son. Every time sonny got a word right (word games with AMAAAA remember?) the entire family would beam with pride and look around waiting for the “sooooo cutee, soooo bright” reactions from the unfortunate people around them. Gragrh!!! I would have dearly liked to throw the entire family out of the train. If only Rahul would let me! Gragrh again!!

I could go on and on with this rant. But shall stop now and eat some ice-cream. If you have small babies, or have access to the same, please let me know so that I can come and play with them. People with small children (5 years and above) need not apply, instead take that time and try to discipline your child….for the love of god, please discipline them!!!!!!

PS: Please note, my 15 year old sister and 7 year old cousin do not fall under the category of pestilential children...they are honeybuns. They are related to me after all *smug look*