Life's Like That

Monday, December 05, 2005

Nice girls finish last!

I'm a rather nice person. No really. I'm nice. (I do snap at people from time to time, but these are mostly friends who have known me for many years and know that snapping is a form of self expression for me the case of Annoying Man, someone who irritates me beyond belief). On the whole, specially at work, I'm mostly sweet and funny and good tempered and helpful and oh! so nice!! (I do not think too much of myself so stop saying so)
And I'm sick of it.
Noone takes me seriously!! Branch offices feel free to treat me as a sweet little distraction not to be taken seriously. My mails are ignored, noone feels the need to revert to me...I chase ALL of them with endless phone calls and "Guys I HAVE To revert to the client...tell me na whats the status on XYZ activity?" Today (in fact just about 15 minutes ago) I discovered that I am also incapable of writing really stinking stinkers to incompetent irresponsible donkeys who richly deserve it. I don't like to use strong words, and I am strangely reluctant to mark mails to the unfortunate bosses of the aforementioned donkeys. *I would now like to take a minute off from blogging and box my own ears for this idiotic behaviour.*
I can't say no to people. As a result I end up doing extra work that people bum off on me!
I insist on being helpful...even with people who don't deserve it. Consider this:
Last year,someone I knew several years ago and had serious issues with, moved into town. At one point in my life, I had shifted cities thanks to the way this person(lets call her A shall we?) behaved. I went through my worst phase of lonliness and depression thanks to A. I thought I was rid of this indiviual forever. Then A moved to Bangalore... and as fate would have it, we were in the same office. A behaved as if nothing had ever gone wrong between us. I, being nice (aaarggh) behaved the same way with A. A spent Christmas weekend at my house because A could not stand the thought of being lonely. I wanted to tell A that it was too bad..but I had spent a very lonely and miserable one year thanks to her so I really couldnt care less if she was lonely for Christmas. But I didnt. I smiled and said yes of course.I introduced her to my friends (who I must say were wonderful. You know why you were wonderful..thank you!!) And kicked myself on the inside and wished I could be a bitch.
We talked about what went wrong and she explained her side of it...and I agree some of what went wrong was my fault. But you just cannot behave that way with someone you call a friend. You just cannot! Anyways, being nice, I accepted whatever she said...I didnt want to talk about it and relive that phase of my life once again. Today we work in the same office and things are ok between us (we are, after all, mature adults are we not? ) but I still wish I had told her "No you can't spend Christmas at my place..after everything that happened between us Im surprised you can even ask." But instead I told myself that an eye for an eye is not very mature (I hate maturity) and I should be the bigger person and all the rest of that nonsense. Which is all very good, but the fact that I'm writing about it one year after it happened should show you how badly I wish I had been a bitch. Childish you think? yes of course....but oh so satisfying!!
This aspect of my personality spills over everyday at work. I try to help a colleague by telling her that a particularly hard to catch journo is in office and to call her a.s.ap. I repeat myself because I'm not sure if she heard me, and she snaps back at me "I heard! I heard!" I think that I should say "Well excuse me for trying to help"...instead I hear myself saying ":Oh yeah ok, I just thought you hadnt heard...sorry" And then ask myself "What the hell am I apologising for?? " Being new to this office I ask a colleague where the stationery is kept and hear "Oh god! stop asking so many questions...go and look na". (Look WHERE goddamn you?) And I still keep quiet!!
There is a fine line between being nice and being a pushover. And I think Ive crossed that line. I'm sick of telling myself to just let it go. I WILL NOT let it go. Why the hell should I? Being funny and friendly is all very well but it does not give you to the right to take me for granted! Its time I did away with the Ms. Nice Girl bit and sharpened my catty claws. No more Nice Girl Ron. Starting now, I shall be the Bitch from Hell. God help those who take me for granted (yes Rahul that means you too!Grrr!) Nasty mails shall be written with cc's marked to the big more sparing people because they are my friends. No more keeping quiet and apologising for other people's rudeness. No more being afraid of the consequences...HAH!!!For a start: I know A reads this blog and though I thought I should change the topic of this post at least 15 times while writing, I sternly reminded myself of the Bitch from Hell persona I'm trying to create and continued to post it. No more getting upset with other people bitching about me... (Im expecting that to happen soon, though sadly, I may never hear about it).
Behold all ye..the new improved Superbitch Ron. Thats right...tremble with fear because god help you if you manage to piss me off!!!
P.S: I like this Ron much better.


  • I used to be this way in college, and ended up doing workshop and drawings and term work for more than one person.

    Now I play the part of a diinterested prick very well. Just appear sleepy, lethargic and dumb.

    Gets you a long way.

    Now everyone else does my work, and I get to do what I want to at work !

    Anyways, you are smart enough to know where to draw a line to this....and you should !

    Enjoy !

    By Blogger Soham Pablo, at 5:38 AM  

  • sounds uncannily familiar

    By Blogger Prerona, at 8:52 AM  

  • @soham: hmm its very difficult for me to do that...i have this annoying tendency to open my mouth and say things like "u need some help? im not doing much ill help you.." obviously noone ever offers to help me!! but i shall i said...make way for Superbitch Ron *evil villainish laughter*

    @prerona: does it now??? what do u think we should do about that;-)

    By Blogger Ron, at 9:13 PM  

  • ha ha.... nice post. i had something constructive to say for your last post too, but too late now.

    As for being bitch-from-hell all the time:) Doesn't work all that well. I know being nice guy never works.... i got stuck with that first six months of work... and my boss still keeps sending me to any assignment he can't get anyone else to go.

    But here's what you do. You still keep being nice, but don't go all the way. Once in a way, when it counts, you let them know you can't be a pushover.

    e.g. some of my pet moves :)
    I be nice, when someone needs to switch night duties, I do. But when they really really need to do it, at short notice, even if i'm free, i say, ``im sorry, i have plans''. Next time, you won't be asked first :P

    I be nice, share my stories with reporters from other papers occasionally. Wanna know how to really screw them over? You get a decently good story, give it to your competitors, and say, ``lets all do it with a byline''.
    Then, don't take a byline :)
    their bosses all screw them, thinking that it was a routine story that *my paper* didn't take a byline on, but they did.

    No. 3. When i'm on leave, and i know of 3 routine stories going on. Call office, and tell them 2 :) So the next day, they'll say, ``Shit, *4wd* wasn't here, and we missed a story''

    So if you let A come over for christmas, you didnt have to be nice to her also!!!

    See... thats the trick... don't go all the way.

    if you offer to help someone (say Mr. Boo), start doing it, then ask Mr. Boo's boss, ``You need some help? I'm not doing anything''. When the boss gives you something to do, very apologetically go to Mr. Boo and say, ``oh i'm sorry, but *the bossman* wants me to do something.

    Get the point?

    By Blogger 4wD, at 10:16 PM  

  • "I can't say no to people".
    Well, I learnt to say no pretty fast. I know it is difficult at times, but it solves a lot of problems. I have noticed that whenever I've said yes, when I actually wanted to say no, I have suffered hell!

    By Blogger Rita, at 10:59 PM  

  • ok im scared. but...having said that...i'll still summon up the courage to say that yes, there is a fine line between being the bigger person and being nice and all, and being a pushover. stay on the line and be the bigger person. if people cannot respond to that thats their problem. u shall reap the benefits some time or the other. beleive me. try to be something that ur intrinsically not, is not the answer. u wont be successful at it. like all things...this phase too shall pass.

    By Blogger Abhishek Chatterjee, at 11:46 PM  

  • @4WD: Amazing!!! I bow before thee my friend. Your techniques are sooooo much better than mine!!! Shal be putting into practice soon:-)

    @Rita: hello and welcome. Yes saying yes when you want to say no realy make syou want to slap yourself later on doesnt it?

    @Abhishek: Siiiigh!! Im not too good at being Superbitch...but I don't think I want to be the bigger person all the time either...not with "certain people" at least. Hence I shall learn from what 4WD has to say and implement those means. But only and ONLY with people who deserve it...with other nice people I shall continue to be the adorable honeybun that I am :-)

    By Blogger Ron, at 12:31 AM  

  • Well, I think the book "Don't say yes when you want to say no" (Hope I got the name right!) was written specifically for me. I always think "NO" but say "YES"... And try reading that book, may be it will help. (Tho I really doubt if anything will help you and me and the rest like us!)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:08 AM  

  • You know the older you is a lot like me! But yes, you should learn to not be a pushover. That's bad in professional or personal life.

    By Blogger Accidental Fame Junkie, at 2:45 AM  

  • @gauri: siigh, yes, i dont think that book will work on hopeless cases like us.

    @afj: i trying. as i was telling abhishek, i think the trick lies in being nasty with people who deserve it and nice with people who are nice themselves.

    By Blogger Ron, at 2:53 AM  

  • Agree with Prerona...sounds uncannily familiar. Will learn from advice here:D Tried being Superbitch myself...does not work.

    By Blogger i dwell in possibility, at 11:58 PM  

  • @gmm: read through 4WD's advice...very good methinks!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 1:49 AM  

  • kichhu korbaar nei - cant become bitch proper - have tried! :(
    messed up vesion - worse state than before - grin and bear - very sleepy :D

    By Blogger Prerona, at 3:05 PM  

  • kichhu korbaar nei - cant become bitch proper - have tried! :(
    messed up vesion - worse state than before - grin and bear - very sleepy :D

    By Blogger Prerona, at 3:06 PM  

  • @prero: me too :-( im spetacularly bad at that. am still trying to implement 4WD's suggestions...

    By Blogger Ron, at 10:12 PM  

  • yes no yes no yes no.. why so much of dilemma, all you girls.. does that mean you also say yes to the guy you want to say no to? Wonder why so much of deliberation ...just say yes when u need to and say no when you need to. makes life simBLer! Cheers n goodluck!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:32 PM  

  • @bijoy: if only it was so simple....

    By Blogger Ron, at 11:21 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger death, at 1:54 AM  

  • @death: story???????????????

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:20 AM  

  • Hmmm.... "new improved Superbitch Ron"... so does this mean... Ron, the bitch, is now "the all new improved Superbitch".. Wonder how many caught this fine reading between the lines ;-) How old are you Ron... Definitely sounds like a writing by a 11 year old sissy girl... Not a 25 year old professional...A quality diamond is recognized by it's glitter not by a tag on it.. So stop being a nag and start working on your personality.. You may get lucky and make some "real" and "good" friends. FYI.. I am not A if you are wondering who I am ;-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:23 AM  

  • @Anonymous who is not A: you have great insight i must say, such fine reading between the lines. You might be surprised,but i do have "good" and "real" friends, better ones than A and her like turned out to be in the end. In fact I must admit that I discovered true friendship thanks to A and her lot.

    As for sounding like a sissy 11 year old, well sweetheart, at least I dont need hide behind an anonymous label to air my opinions.

    PS:Do keep visiting, not to forget commenting :-)

    By Blogger Ron, at 7:49 AM  

  • Thanks for the invite and the compliment ron.. yes I sure'll be watching your blogs and giving you my comments/feedback..
    U seem like a child who needs help... and I am here to help you (and yes I prefer to work in anonymity). Now lets talk a lil more abt the past. Tell us how "A" affected your life before you moved to bangalore. What was that "phase of lonliness and depression" you mention that you had to go thru because of this person A??? Did "A" steal your previous job, your grades in college OR the LOVE of your life??? Tell us child, what did "A" do to you after all ....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:53 AM  

  • Hi anonymous, glad to know that people like you still exist. So true to my name I thought its my prime responsibility to suck out some hatred from your poor anguished soul. Firstly I dont understand why do you need to defend someone you dont know A to Z about. Ya its incidental that 'A' is the first alaphabet and you are the first person who have left such nasty comments on this blog. hmmmm My spider senses are tingling, do I see a connection. Secondly people like you give a new meaning to the word saddism. I honestly think you should just try keep the hatred inside you that way the world will be a better place. Lastly I dont you have the right to be in this virtual space because you have broken the unwritten rule of blogging i.e obsenity. So I think if you had any self-esteem left you should not respond to this comment because you cannot escape the claws of the immortal

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:09 AM  

  • @anonymous: u poor thing, u cant even distinguish between sarcasm and compliments. i think i shall ignore you from now on, much like i ignore some other wierd people who visit this blog. thank you for visitng.

    @dementor: thank you for the support. very nice of you. but i really do think i can handle pathetic anonymous creatures on my own :-)

    PS: Anonymous: i dont really care who you are. i always thought A had more maturity than to resort to immature foolish anonymous comments on my blog of all places. inspite of whatever happened in the past, i always felt that she could at least take the bull by its horns and tackle unpleasant situations head your foolish comments on my blog you are just proving how wrong i was. if you are soooo eager to discuss this, a) let people know who you are...what are you afraid of anyways and b) take this outside the blogworld. a couple of reactions are fine, but to go on harping is stupid and immature. i think its you who needs the help "child". im guessing you know me, so gimme a call sometime, we can discuss it, and i promise ill let you "help" me.

    By Blogger Ron, at 8:53 PM  

  • Hey...that's a nice write-up..pretty candid. believe me i can relate to that ssooo well. and i take that tip of being a 'bitch from hell' as a new year resolution ron :-) happy new year...cheers

    By Blogger aratii, at 10:33 PM  

  • @aarti: happy new year too and welcome to my blog :)

    By Blogger Ron, at 3:37 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home