Life's Like That

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I want to marry a millionnaire

I'm back at work today, looking very much like a studious owl in my spectacles. Eyes are much better, and doc has given the green signal to go ahead and return to office provided I don't wear my lenses and continue with the drops.

Which is all very well. But I have been swamped with work. I have been told that I will have to handle 2 more clients, and scale up the amount of work happening on existing clients. I have churned out 6 PR plans and recommended activity plans from morning, I have made countless phone calls and I have seriously considered suggesting to my daft client that she should try to grow half a brain( growing one full brain would be a physical impossibility for this person, trust me). Im yet to meet a more harebrained woman.

Everything considered, I have come to the conclusion that I should have thought more carefully and practically when accepting Rahul's proposal. I dont need to be marrying a penniless advertising person. I need to be marrying a rich industrialist. Someone with pots and pots of money!

I want to quit my job right now. I want to be a rich housewife. I don't mind being a slightly desperate housewife as long as I can be a rich one. I want to spend the rest of my life going to kitty parties, and PTA meetings. Ideally the biggest problems in my life should be what dress to wear to Mrs. So and So's dinner party tonight, and not "How can I get media coverage for this brainless foolish activity that the brainless foolish client wants to implement?" .

I don't think I can sit at home all day, Im far too restless and easily bored for I think I would like to associate with some glamorous charity.. nothing that would require me to visit dirty muddy slums, naturally..nope something nice and posh, where other people do all the actual dirty work, but I go to all the charity dinners and help organise celeb functions and wear expensive clothes and make appearances at these functions.

I would also spend a lot of time on my appearance. Expensive gyms, beauty parlours etc would be an integral part of my daily routine. From time to time I would accompany my rich industrialist husband on his business trips abroad where I would go sightseeing and shopping (Im not too fond of shopping, but I understand that one must shop when one is abroad). I would go to Kolkata every single year for Durga Pujo, I would visit my friends across the country whenever I felt like (as opposed to now, when Im demanding that people tell me their wedding dates at least 2 months in advance so that I can manage leave and tickets). I would also have a huuuuge library and books whenever I felt like without having to worry about being broke. I would also sit in Barista in the middle of a weekday and sip coffee and read (something I see people doing when Im on a media round, and feel incredibly jealous of).

Siiiigh. If only....

There are two problems I can think of that would come in the way of realising this dream:

a) Why on earth would a rich industrialist want to marry me when they can marry a filmstar or a model??

b) Rahul.

Lets just ignore the first problem for the time being, Im sure with little bit of effort and loads of makeup etc a drunk, old and balding industrialist could be persuaded into mistaking me for Bipasha Basu. (ok ok...enough of the sniggering)

The second problem is slightly more difficult to solve. Unfortunately for my dreams of a rich housewife lifestyle, I happen to love this dysfucntional penniless child a lot. Also, Im worried that if I don't do him the favour of marrying him, noone else will.(hehe..seriously! stop laughing) Poor boy. Therefore, after much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that there are only two ways in which this can be solved to the satisfaction of all concerned:

a) Rahul has to find a way of becoming incredibly rich in a very short amount of time. A.S.A.P!! His methods dont need to be honest and straghtforward.As long as he becomes rich enough for me to be the kind of rich housewife I said I want to be, Im happy. I wont let moral judgement come in the way.

b) I find some other rich industrialist (preferably old fat and balding, with poor eyesight and with a tendency of getting drunk quickly...would make my job of convincing him that Im Bipasha Basu a lot easier), marry him, and have an extramarital affair with Rahul. Now that would be fun. The rich industrialist would be very a very busy man and he would keep travelling a lot, making life sooo much easier for us. Of course, he being really old etc, would die ina few years time after having made a will leaving all his riches to me. Then Rahul and I will legitimise our relationship and live in the lap of luxury happily ever after!

I do come up with such brilliant ideas really. *look of self admiration on bespectacled face*

While you guys think over which is the best plan of action for me to follow, I shall get back to work and finish this foolish ridiculous nonsensical plan and send it to one of the many nonsensical clients in my life. Once we have a clear majority on the preferred course of action, I shall set about trying to implement it...or getting Rahul to implement it, whichever the case maybe.

Am feeling so much happier with my life...there is hope after all!!


  • This self reasoning was hilarious. When I was young I had a name for these women: "lady of leisure". One of my cousins was the striking image you just described and I used to envy how she would sit and file her nails and paint them oh so laboriously only to realize it was the worng shade and start all over again. It would amaze me how some people can actually spend their life being such a parasite.

    By Blogger M (tread softly upon), at 6:43 AM  

  • Or, you can get rahul to marry the fat, balding industrialist :)

    Easy way out, is what it is.

    By Blogger 4wD, at 9:35 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger death, at 8:07 PM  

  • Two Q:

    1. In your rich industralist's page 3 house wife life, would you opt for Botox ?
    2. Instead of waiting for rich industrialist to die, wouldn't it be better to think of a way to bump him off....maybe poison in the ear a la Hamlet Sr. ?

    You see, brilliant ideas are not your exclusive domain.


    By Blogger Soham Pablo, at 8:18 PM  

  • @m: see, now im jealous of your cousin. how do people manage to have such jobless lives? i want to file and paint my nails all day tooooo.....*sobs*

    @4WD: no!! rahul is all mine!! n besides, i want to be the rich housewife!!

    @death: i really dont want to consider death as an alternative :). and im pretty sure i wont end up losing both, rahul quite approved of the rich industrialist plan. he said he would love to be the kept man of a rich desperate housewife. we r the perfect couple i tell u.

    @soham: 1) no i would not try botox, i would age gracefully like maharani gayatri devi (ahem ahem)
    2) yes well...thats the idea...*evil sinsiter laughter*
    PS: would you do the dirty work for me?? i would pay u a lot of money!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 9:57 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger death, at 12:32 AM  

  • @death: umm..but thats what i thought you meant in the first place..and no im not too kicked about that being an option....silly.

    as for rahul being a blue eyed puppy..anyone who knows him will not agree with that description..thought yes i do make him out to sound a bit like that :)

    By Blogger Ron, at 12:53 AM  

  • As the Spanish say, excellĂ©ntĂ©! I totally enjoyed reading this piece!

    By Blogger Accidental Fame Junkie, at 3:30 AM  

  • Brilliant. Too adorable. You should write a book or maybe script a movie :)
    btw - has Rahul read this??

    By Blogger Dreamcatcher, at 6:35 AM  

  • shono na, I have tons of thesis like comments to make on this post and the last but I'm too swamped by the pressures of not-studying. This is a presnt please type of comment, just so you know I luuurbh your posts and I will spam you with comments post exams :D

    By Blogger babelfish, at 11:10 AM  

  • i want to marry a millionairess too and have fast cars and the latest video games.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:45 PM  

  • i'm getting married. :-)

    By Blogger smoke, at 5:19 AM  

  • I guess the same applies to everyone who doesnt enjoy working. But genuine millioniers are hard to find, one day they are sailing and the other day they are entangled in some scam or controversy. You can actually marry an old politician who has all the money and contact to make it legimate too...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:56 AM  

  • I guess the same applies to everyone who doesnt enjoy working. But genuine millioniers are hard to find, one day they are sailing and the other day they are entangled in some scam or controversy. You can actually marry an old politician who has all the money and contact to make it legimate too...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:57 AM  

  • present plese type of comment here too. mane amaar obosshoi porikkha torikkha nei, but amaar jibone apatoto prochur dukkho. anyhow, shrabonti and I are planning a sort of meet-mane not general blogmeet-by invitation only kinds. sometime over the week. so please mail me or her.

    By Blogger nothing, at 6:47 AM  

  • yo! you're the genius of all genii! tracking exams so far, i've figured academia is not really my thing, and me is too lazy for any other work (like your's, for example). AND, most importantly, i don't have a boyfriend. so i;m off hunting for bald fat stinking-of-the-green-pile granddad. shall mail you the most expensive e-thank you card after the ceremony.

    *imagine nyaka nyaka melodious voice* buyyyeee...

    By Blogger Rimi, at 10:49 PM  

  • haha! good one..almost all of us want to make a pile of cash doing absolutely nothing... rahul dude..chori toh giyo...;-)

    By Blogger Abhishek Chatterjee, at 11:44 PM  

  • @afj: thank you :)

    @dreamcatcher: hehe yes he has. he is quite used to all sorts of things from me and usually doesnt react. just smiles and says ok whatever you say :P

    @babelfish: all the best for your exams. i really dont know what klind of sadists would schedule exams during the Christmas week.

    @bijoyy: siiiigh wouldnt we all sweetheart?


    Now that thats out of my system...congratulations!!! am very very happy for you. alllll my friends are getting married!! * wipes a fond tear from eyes*

    @anonymous: do have a point there you know...i shall expand my search for millionnaires to include gullible politicians as well.

    @arka: sheki!! kano?? dukhkho kano?? na na beshi dukhkho koro na!! aacha mail toh korte chai kintu i dont have your email id..or shrabontis for tht matter..pls to be giving.

    @rimi: all the best. and before you go about accepting proposals from impoverished people, remember my old man is sooo much better to start off with. once he is dead....well..loads of possiblities open up then...

    @abhsihek: hehehehe. do u know any old fat balding millionnaires??*looks hopeful*

    By Blogger Ron, at 8:35 PM  

  • existential crisis etc. aar blog aachhe. anyhow, mail id holo arka(dot)01(at)gmail(dot)com. aar nombor holo 9243122682

    By Blogger nothing, at 12:54 AM  

  • Was ROTFWL after reading your post. In office too. Please to mail at But don't know how far meeting up plan will work as parents are coming to stay day after.

    By Blogger The Marauder's Map, at 4:13 AM  

  • @arka: thanks. nice hearing your voice :)

    @marauders map: thank you. arka called and told me that it will be postponed. have fun with your folks. feed them lots of puliogare and filter coffee. pore dekha hobe :)

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:36 AM  

  • Gawd ron!
    Its scary how similar our thots were!
    There was a time before marriage when I wanted to get married to a filthy rich dude...quit the furstating job and just pamper myself the whole day...hmmm!....and Now reality alreayd married and well....obviously not married to a millionaire!

    So all I can Keep dreaming while u can!:-))

    By Blogger Ekta, at 5:45 AM  

  • @ekta: its not too late you know, maybe your husband could find a way of becoming really really long as you are not too finicky how he gets rich, honesty of his methods etc it really shouldnt be a problem ;)

    By Blogger Ron, at 9:37 PM  

  • I want a millionaire too...preferably old, blind, bald, deaf and mute. A lot like Anna Nicole Smith's husband. I have the figure to pull it off, I mean, a figure like Anna's when she's really bloated up. The blond hair can be managed by dyes.In the absence of a Rahul of my own, the plan sounds briliant and not much complicated. I like myself!! Then when he's dead, I want to go abroad and buy libraries. And yes, paint my nails. Mera sapna kab sach hoga?Boo hoo hoo.

    By Blogger i dwell in possibility, at 2:29 AM  

  • @gmm: hahahaha...i had completely forgotten about anna nicole smith, you are right i resemble her too!! kendo already have the first step right..being free of impoverished boyfriends..the rest shall follow with some perseverance..worry not!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 2:44 AM  

  • The plan has one problem unless one is a 'Ho.

    The bald, pauchy millionaire, before he croaks would have to slurp all over you and do unmentionable things down below.

    You could edit the plan by making the geezer too old to perform and likes to watch and Rahul compliant enough to go along with it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:19 PM  

  • haha nice i wanna become millionaire
    buy contact lenses

    By Anonymous bob, at 9:29 PM  

  • Sounds like my wife. i'm a fairly rich individual & my wife is a SAHM to our son who is less than a week old. Before we married i told her she would never have to work & she said she'd never want to. We can't exacty afford private jets or estates but we're very comfortable. I enjoy having her lounge around in desgner clothes while i work. It's nice. Good luck.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:22 AM  

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