Life's Like That

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Things Ive been doing all this time...

Working on a 5 day exhibition and conference on construction equipment. Attending many many MANY endless sessions and panel discussions on self compacting concrete, tippers, cranes, cold recycling, reflective potholes, hot recycling and other fascinating topics. After five consecutive days of this I could feel my brains self compacting themselves into solid concrete. Thankfully the conference ended on Sunday. I have no idea how my father has been dealing with such things for most parts of his professional career without wanting to jump off the nearest building.

Controlling (only barely so) extremely murderous and violent feelings towards some people that I have the misfortune of working with.

Whining every night about wanting to quit my job and take a break. Begging the boy to take the financial responsibility of running the house onto his shoulders. Promising to save on servant costs by doing all housework myself..including cleaning bathrooms. Swearing that he would never have to sweep humoungous piles of clothes, books, papers,bags, food etc etc off the bed before lying down for a nap. In short promising to fulfill my domestic duties to the T.He is not having any of it though. Gives me a skeptical look, grunts "Uhunh" and goes back to reading the Times of India...for the 10,000th time that day I might add.

Getting up at the crack of dawn, stuffng my face with parathas and sweets and then fasting the whole day. Not even a drop of water. All for the sake of Rahul's long life. Yeah...Karva Chauth. I did it to keep the MIL happy. Though if you think about it, the best way to ensure Rahul's long life is to make him starve for a day...detox and all of that. What good will my fasting do for him if he sits and pigs out on biriyani and jalebis!!!? I got a good amount of money and a gold coin at the end of it though, so it wasnt so bad. The actual Punjabi rituals are very different from what one sees in Hindi films and Ekta Kapoor's serials. Rahul wasnt required at all. I did have to look at the moon(or pretend to look at it through all the clouds), but I was not required to peer at him through that thing. And I refused to touch his feet. So it was all ok actually.

Coming to office in my large floppy blue bathroom slippers. With a blue flower on top( the one on the right slipper fell off, so its just one flower on my left foot and nothing on the other one). With my new red and white salwar suit which I had carefully put aside to be worn on this day...the day of an all important press conference. I was perfectly accessorised from head till ankle..after which it was a disaster. How I got through that day and that press conference in a pair of kolhapuris, several sizes too small, borrowed from my colleague, only I know.

Pocketing Rs. 800 from a very drunk man on the road for damaging my car ( Not really, all the scratches and dents on it were of my own addition but he didnt need to know that. ) , drunk driving (I told him I would file a case against him where I would specifically mention that he was driving drunk and harassing me ( He did. He kept trying to freak me out by driving really close to me, making weird noises, singing etc. Not to discount the mental harassment of having a huge Scorpio barely miss a loaded fuel tanker and then come to rest against your car!! Even if it miraculously did not damage said car!!). I took the money without any hesitation..ghar aaye Lakshmi ko na nahi kehte. And left the scene with a threatning " Im STILL going to file a case against you you drunk menace."

Wondering why I would ever want to spend money on Om Shanti Om. I don't even like Shahrukh Khan. The movie was what I expected it to be. I liked nothing about it except the credits. Shahrukh's 6 packs give me the creeps. Did anyone else notice the veins popping out on his neck?

Thanking God that better sense prevailed and stopped me from buying tickets for Saawariya. Hate Sanjay Leela Bhansali even more than I hate SRK, and yet I had been thinking about watching Saawariya.

Being attacked by a large fat black creepy crawly thing...that attached itself to the back of my clothes and then proceeded to prick all these horrible spiny black thingies all over my legs, and hands. Oooh it was disgusting and PAINFUL!! I still have welts on my legs from it. It looked like a caterpillar...only much bigger and blacker *shudder*

Almost fainting on sighting a large black slithery snake a few feet away from me, one early morning in front of the Press Club inside Cubbon Park. It slithered, stopped, looked and slithered away!I stood transfixed, paralysed, prepared to have a heart attack at the first sign of it slithering one milimetre closer. I didnt know there were large black snakes inside big cities like Bangalore. EEEKKK!!!!

And lastly, being horribly embarassed at Diwali time when MIL turned to me during the Lakshmi puja and invited me to chant some prayer or slokas I know. The only prayer I could remember at that point was Our Father In Heaven and worse...Make Me a Channel of Your Peace. I gaped at her and said "Erk!!prayer....right ummmm prayeeeerrr" till the boy jumped in to the rescue and started chanting some very complicated Sanskrit. I heaved a sigh of relief, only to realize that MIL and FIL ( poor souls) were looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to join in the chanting. So I finally shamefacedly told them I didnt know ANY prayers or slokas...unless Our Father In Heaven counted. They tried very hard not to look shocked, but couldnt really carry off the unconcerned look too well.

Sigh....

4 Comments:

  • welcome back Ron! super post. I actually laughed out loud while reading this post. I think you should write much more often (please).

    By Blogger besunni, at 12:55 AM  

  • Your various animal (mis)adventures continue, I see. Soon you'll have enough material for a book, like Gerald Durrell. Though the tone might be slightly different from his.

    By Anonymous Shrabonti, at 10:05 PM  

  • hahah i see u have evil intentions of starving rahul to avenge the Karva chauth fast!!..
    And to win a brownie pt I also fasted with The wife on karva chauth!...(pat on the back!)

    By Blogger Anand, at 2:04 AM  

  • ooh I know the pains of Karva chauth..just on that day u will feel terribly hungry...and just on that day the moon will act pricey like hell!

    By Blogger Ekta, at 9:06 AM  

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