Life's Like That

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The men in blue...

...are causing severe problems for me. I can't seem to be rid of them. First it was the World Cup. The boy was talking about it from before the wedding. About how I was not allowed to even touch the TV once the World Cup started and how I was not to expect anything from him when India was playing, two days before it (anticipation) and two days after( extreme joy or extreme sorrow as the case may be). To make matters worse he told his grandmother moments after the wedding how he had told me in no uncertain terms about my wifely duties during the World Cup., which involved conjuring delicious snacks for him everytime he felt hungry and then vanishing rapidly from the scene. Having just stepped off the mandap and being very concerned about vast quantities of sindoor enveloping me at that point, I could not respond to this very well, so now of course his grandmother thinks Im the ideal Indian bahu...which is quite a terrible situation to be in.

Anyways, after the debacle that was the World Cup, I thought it was all over. Just goes to show how naive I am. Turns out there is no cure for cricket mania. If its not the world Cup, its some one day series involving Pakistan and Ireland and (I think) South Africa.Now its the India England Test match. After this there will be highlights of matches played in 1886. Then it will be two experts pontificating on footwork and square cuts. Is there no end to this madness? The only sound one hears in my house these days is that of that ANNOYING little man Harsha Bhogle and that other fellow who says "Wikkit" instead of wicket talking away nineteen to the dozen about leg spin, silly point, square cut and other irrelevant rubbish. Interspersed with the sudden maniacal "OUTTTTTTT EEEEHAHEHAHAHAHA" type shrieks that, I promise you, will one day result in me having a major heart attack.

I was beginning to forget how to operate the remote. In desperation, I made one rule, Tuesdays 10-11pm and Wednesdays 10-11 pm the TV was MINE (Prison break and Greys Anatomy). But that too is fraught with dangers. Just when I'm immersing myself into Wentworth Millers dreamy eyes...

Boy (leaping out from bedroom): I think we just got a wicket. One quick check and you can go right back to Prison Break. (Lunges for remote)

Me ( startled by sudden appearance but firmly grasping remote and leaping out of the way) : NO!

Boy(maniacal glint in eyes) : Please. I said please. One quick look. ( Almost pokes his entire hand in my eyes trying to get the remote)

Me (well aimed kick to the shins) : I SAID NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WE MADE A DEAL ( slapping hand away) INDIA IS GOING TO LOSE ANYWAYS. THEY ALWAYS DO. NOW GO AWAY.

Boy (looks hurt and retires to corner of the room) (incoherent mumbling)

It does'nt end there though. He sits and sighs loudly at frequent intervals. And the whole process is repeated during every commercial break, when his argument is that "its the break, Ill give it back once it starts". Yeah right. Like Im falling for that one again.So basically immersing myself in dreamy eyes of hunky prison inmates or McDreamy doctors is impossible. All thanks to a game that is totally and completely a waste of time. That pathetic excuse for a team should be disbanded and made to do something productive instead. Really!! How can anyone in their right minds actually believe that the team might win a match? And in the rare occurence when they manage to win, how can anyone in their right minds rejoice in it and not

A) dismiss it as a fluke?
B) dismiss it as a fixed match?
How?

That Harsha Bhogle reeeeeeeeaaallly annoys me. So do all the other people who talk incessantly about Saurav's off drive and Bhajjis off spin. My nightmares are now coming complete with commentary in Harsha Bhogle's voice. Its not pleasant I can tell you. I cant bear to live in the same house with this cricket obssessed creature anymore. I should have known it. The day he told me "Himesh is not that bad actually..his songs have a nice beat" ...I should have realized that he has appalling taste in entertainment and refused to go through with the marriage. As things are, I am regularly subjected to the Capped Menace as well as this steady undying stream of cricket related programming. Things in the Dutta Sachdev household are not going too well Im afraid. Can I sue the BCCI for ruining my marriage? And more imprtantly, is that damn Test Match over yet? Are there any more coming up immediately?

10 Comments:

  • Hi,
    Great post. Enjoy your sense of humor. Keep writing!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:25 PM  

  • I dont understand why cant you women part with the remote during commercial breaks? We do not have any ulterior motives when we BEG for it. Trust me on this one. All said and done, i agree with you on your views about cricket and the Indian team.

    By Anonymous bijoyyy, at 12:09 AM  

  • Doesn't the boy get it that cricket is SO last year, daaahling? Desperately behind times, I must say. Ask him to watch rugby instead, it's like really in.

    By Blogger The Marauder's Map, at 12:42 AM  

  • Voltaire, wunnit? 'I may not share your opinion but I will defend to the death your right to voice it'.

    Your death, not mine.

    J.A.P.

    By Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock, at 12:42 AM  

  • well said madame the govt should equate cricket with bunds and ban both.

    By Blogger BigD, at 1:25 AM  

  • Like they say it (whereever) - It is just a game and not a life threatning situation and its better than watching 75% of the indian population trying to prove that they are the next big singer/dancer/entertainer. Atleast the men in blue dont need highly emotional entities to rig their performance (bad or good)

    By Anonymous rahul, at 3:31 AM  

  • hahaha!
    i soooooooo relate to it...ur post was like dot to dot my life!!!;-)
    And atleast with u its only cricket...for me its cricket, football or any damn sport under the sun..i just dont get it!!

    By Blogger Ekta, at 1:40 AM  

  • This is not a comment on your blog but rather a personal question. I could not find any contact ID so leaving it here.
    Are you Ronita Dutta of wwa. cossipore english school?

    kaushik
    kaushik.mitra@nist.gov

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:45 AM  

  • what can i say.....i think u need to see things in perspective.....maybe u now know how millions of men in india feel from 8pm to 10 pm when all that comes out of the tube are sounds like 'kabhi shit kabhi crap' and 'kkkkoi mar raha hai'.....

    just a thought.

    By Blogger Soham Pablo, at 4:23 AM  

  • @anonymous: thank you.

    @bijoy : hah!! thats what you would want us to believe!!! the remote never comes back to us.

    @bagchi: well, truth be told, its not just cricket..its ANY form of sporting activity on television..including kabbadi.

    @jap: i shall ignore you i think.

    @bigd: :)

    @rahul: oh s[peak for yourself, werent you begging me to let you watch indian idol finals instead of little miss sunshine just the other day?

    @ekta: oh..its the same here. its just that cricket annoys me the most.

    @kaushik: no im afraid im not.

    @soham: i feel the same way as all those men about Ekta Kapoor and her serials. But prison break is....well divine. and should not be interrupted by cricket maniacs.

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:01 AM  

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