Life's Like That

Monday, May 28, 2007

Help.

Does anyone know how to get rid of monkeys?
My neighbourhood has suddenly been taken over by a bunch of unruly destructive and extremely aggressive monkeys. They are destroying my plants, tearing our clothes, dirtying the balcony...and today they have attacked the washing machine (kept in the utility balcony) and ripped the cover. Its impossible to leave the balcony doors or windows open, 'coz if we do, the next thing we know is that one of these horrible creatures is bounding in or peering in and baring its fangs at us. They dont seem to be scared of us at all. I tried shooing one away and it jumped at me..I just made it inside the house in the nick of time. I DO NOT like being terrorised in my own house by these unbearable animals.
I hate all forms of non human life...actually..come to think of it there are some forms of human life that I detest equally, but thats a different matter. In my old house, if you remember, it was pigeons. Now its monkeys. I dont know what will be next. Giraffes maybe!!? Or elephants!! GAH! Why the heck cant they just leave me alone? I certainly never go and try to bother them ever. But they cant let me be. Did I ever mention that police sniffer dogs bark madly at me everytime they see me? Once our bike was next to this dog squad van and, I swear Im not making this up, each and every dog in that van went berserk trying to break out and rip my throat out. Most unpleasant. And then there was the time when I was entering this high security event and didnt notice sniffer dogs around. They however noticed me..thank god the people holding them were nice strong burly looking men who did manage to keep them from lunching on me. I almost died of a heart attack. Then there was the cat in my old house that wanted to adopt me. It even crawled into my bed one morning and tried sleeping in it.
I don't want any more animals or birds or reptiles or amphibians or anything. Please tell me how to get rid of these horrible monkeys. Pretty please. *sob*

14 Comments:

  • lol! monkeys!!! how did you get hold of those? maybe non human life forms like YOU :D

    By Blogger Ricercar, at 7:47 AM  

  • Monkeys are a nuisance period. Call the mayor, call the police, call the zoo but get rid of them. not to mention they may carry all sorts of diseases.

    By Anonymous bijoyyy, at 11:36 PM  

  • Oh yes you don't like reptiles either. I hate rats too. Aar tiktiki - i hate tiktiki. And Iam quite scared of monkeys, one of them snatched away my mom's bag.

    By Blogger Dreamcatcher, at 1:24 AM  

  • Getting metal grills on the balconies? Get the house owner's permission for that (unless he'd do that himself), or shift houses.

    Monkey trouble has been periodically reported from various parts of India, and I haven't read of any lasting solutions except this one.

    all the best.

    (rude as this may sound, this seems the best option.)

    By Anonymous vintage, at 10:37 PM  

  • Curried monkey brains?

    By Blogger twit, at 2:43 PM  

  • Are you serious? MOnkeys!!!

    By Blogger M (tread softly upon), at 10:58 AM  

  • Ahem, iye, you could try getting a langur...maaney if it's a neighbourhood problem. Am afraid these honumaan-s are truly terrible creatures. When I was a kid and we'd gone to Kashmir once...I was playing on this swing, minding my own business as usual. Suddenly this honumaan chaana pops up from nowhere, hits me, shoves me off and starts swinging. Otishoy bojjat indeed byata-ra!

    By Blogger Rapid I Movement, at 12:41 PM  

  • @ricercar: i didnt get hold of anything...they unfortunately have gotten hold of me..and everybody else in our apartment :(

    @bijoy: the police have refused to arrest these bandors. i think they are scared of them too.

    @dreamcatcher: i hate non human( and some human) lifeforms. period. and my monkeys have thrown away my clothes from the wash basket which was also in the utility space along with the washing machine.

    @vintage: we have asked the landlord to put grilles...but apparantly they are of no use because these animals from HELL sit outside and send their babies in through the gaps in the grilles!!!

    @twit: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    @rapid i movement : shottyi bolo toh!! ki shoytaan type jontu re baba. just this morning i opened the balcony door to water my plants and one of them was sitting on the tree outside scratching itself(most uncouth) and it made faces at me...and tried to jump on to the balcony and bite me. kono maane aachey!!

    m : i wish i wasnt serious. unfortunately i can see one sitting on the window sill. thank god the window is closed.

    By Blogger Ron, at 6:03 AM  

  • good god! monkeys!!!! blighmy..
    err.. keep the windows shut/? but seriously...??? but hows things though.. its been ages since i visited the blog... and monkeys.. quite speechless actually...lol

    By Blogger Abhishek Chatterjee, at 3:56 PM  

  • oh damn!!
    monkeys can be quite scary...i remember when I was in bangalore i was harassed by rats and bats!!

    By Blogger Ekta, at 2:16 AM  

  • Ask Dayal Baba to perform near your house. The monkeys will get the point and they will start planting their own banana trees. :)

    By Blogger Kele Panchu, at 8:35 AM  

  • @abhishek: hellooo. things ahve been ok..little bit infested with monkeys, but otherwise ok. tomar toh besh bhaloi cholche dekhchi..kal blog porlam onek din pore.

    @ekta: ya man!! what is WITH us and scary animal life?

    @panchuda: arrey!!! onek din por je..ashun aashun. dayal babr number ta ektu deben? ekhuni phone kori taholey :P
    nijer blog update korben kobe?

    By Blogger Ron, at 7:42 AM  

  • I lived in a place for 4 years with monkeys, wild oxen, dogs, panthers, crocodiles and snakes. And that's not mentioning the insect life.

    I find the best way to be undisturbed was to carry a largish stick. It also helped me cross narrow water bodies :|

    By Anonymous pravin, at 3:48 AM  

  • hey they r nt monkeys......
    it might be an australian team
    symonds dere leader....lol

    By Anonymous Sharad, at 12:27 AM  

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