Life's Like That

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Lejer aami lejer tumi, lej diye jaaye chena...

I have been waking up really early of late. Reeeeeaaaaallly early...around 6.30 a.m. To open the door for the most important person in my life, my maid. But this is not about my maid,this is about the fact that when I have just woken up, I am rather incapable of coherent logical thinking. In my half asleep state I potter around and observe stuff, and the vaguest of thoughts occur to me. And then I wake up Rahul and inform him of my vague thoughts. Till now he has never threatened to kill me, but I'm afraid the day might not be too far.

Anyways so today I woke up at that unearthly hour once again. Mumbled instructions to the maid and opened the window so get some fresh air. And observed this dog downstairs that was extremely busy chasing its own tail; it looked like it was having great fun. That got me thinking about tails and their utility. Imagine how much fun it would be if human beings had tails. Amazing no?

Discussed human tails at a later hour with The Bagchi...she seemed to agree with me. We had a looooonnng conversation on Google Talk (god bless Google, thats the only chat engine I can access from work...can you imagine office without chat!!!!?) and given below are our thoughts on the main benefits and characteristics of the human tail. Do let me know if you can think of more.
  • The human tails would be a kind of cross between a horse's, a dog's, a fox's, and a cat's.
  • The longer thicker and glossier your tail, the more beautiful you would be.
  • You could save money on mosquito repellents, since you could repel mosquitoes yourself by whisking it around. Here the Marauding Bagchi objected saying she wouldn't want to stay up all night whisking her tail and that the next day her butt would hurt with all the whisking, but see, theres the beauty of the whole thing...our tails would whisk away pests on their own (much like a horse's) without us needing to be awake for it, the body would be engineered in such a way that the butt wouldnt hurt with all the whisking.
  • Much like the dog, we could entertain ourselves by playing evolved games with our tails. Bagchi suggested a tail-I-fied form of minesweeper, called..yep you guessed it...tailsweeper.
  • L'oreal could start manufacturing tail colour. Aishwarya Rai's tail, like the rest of her, would still be considered by some misguided folks to be the most beautiful in the world, so she could appear in the ads, swishing her tail and saying "when it comes to tail colour, Im very demanding" in the same idiotic fake accent.
  • We could have specialised tail salons like the nail bars that seem to have sprung up overnight in this city.
  • In fact there could be a whole range of tail products...companies like Lakme, Revlon etc would come up with competing, tail shampoos, tail conditioners, tail accessories...think of the huuuge benefit to the cosmetics industry.
  • The points given above were all we had time for. Although Bagchi did mention she wanted to have a chestnut tail...very glamorous according to her. While I would like a nice thick plumy, even if slightly bushy fox like tail...reddish brown. The bushiness of which I would tame with Revlon Anti Frizz Tail Spray.

So what kind of tail would you like? Do tell. Look forward to hearing from you...

Disclaimers and clarifications :

  • No, Bagchi and I had not swallowes / snorted/ injected any illegal substances while coming up with all this. We are extremely*ahem* angelic girls who would never EVER dream of doing such things!!
  • Our conversation and the subsequent post is a direct result of the pressures of filing a cover story (in her case) and a lethal mind effing combination of starry tantrums, assinine clients and loads of mundane work (plus a slightly eccentric mind and very overactive / vivid imagination)
  • For non Bongs: the title of this post is a parody of a line from this poem by Sukumar Roy..Gonf Churi ( Mustache Theft) . The poem deals with the many merits of a moushtache. It is well beyond my linguistic abilities to provide a word to word translation of this line,but it basically means that a lej..a tail.. is your identity...thats what people recognize you by.

30 Comments:

  • If you lose tail hair, there could be tail-wigs.

    By Blogger good morning, midnight, at 8:47 AM  

  • well i'd like my tail to be like a cows...long hair at the end..n yes i'd love to streak it the color i'd streak my hair...matching matching..ah ah..n maybe some tails accessories if they made any would be nice..like tail rings..tattooed tail!! so many stuff...wonderful imagination..Ron..u set my mind thinking too..so did u wake rahul with ur thoughts? n wat did he have to say bout it..?

    By Blogger sonia, at 5:10 PM  

  • having tails could eliminate your need for a maid...you could just sweep the floor as you potter around the house...wait..did i just write that?!?

    By Blogger Abhishek Chatterjee, at 7:15 PM  

  • I think you girls have really lost it this time.Who in their right minds thinks about TAILS!!!!! and that too in such great detail.I think you guys have made the strongest case yet for why things like Goolge talk etc should be BANNED!!!

    By Anonymous rohini, at 11:14 PM  

  • In a word, FATAFAATI! Since I'm such a bloody sucker for elegance, I'd like mine to be horsey -- smooth, silky and burgundy coloured;)

    By Blogger Priya, at 11:36 PM  

  • heheh!
    Are u sure u didnt have a booze party the previous night!
    Though I loved the crazy talks...am quite like that!
    Just today I was telling my friends who has two phones how "what if both your communicators (name of phone) start having an affair and then one of the gets pregnant and they have a baby communicator!"
    There...havent I proved it..am worse than u!;-)

    By Blogger Ekta, at 12:57 AM  

  • p.s:- Wld tails also need to be waxed..nooo plllsss!!!

    By Blogger Ekta, at 12:58 AM  

  • Hmmm...tale of tails.First thing comes to muh mind that handshakes would have been replaced with tail-shakes.Just imagine what a lovely pic it would be to see George Bush and Tony Blair embracing their shaking tails.Also tails would play an important role in foreplay.But will not elaborate on that...go figure it out yourself.

    By Blogger Chilla-Bong, at 3:16 AM  

  • @gm,m: yes absolutely. rich people could go n get tail weaving done. kaya skin clinic could start hair loss prevention solutions...for your tails...possibilities are endless.

    @sonia: i did wake rahul up and told him that we should have tails. so he said ok, we will grow them tomorrow and went back to sleep. some people na..whattotell.

    @abhishek: good idea. but who would do the dishes? i cant use my tail for that.

    @rohini: dont be rude child! what would you do without chat in office id like to know!! hah!! i know what you do most of the time at work...oh yes i do!! :P

    @priyadi: that sounds like a beeeoooootiful tail. like rahul said..we will grow them tomorrow :D

    @ekta: yippeee...finally someone who identifies with my weird thoughts!!!

    n no of course we wouldnt wax our tails. do we wax our heads? we would get fancy hair cuts and colours and streaks and stuff!

    By Blogger Ron, at 3:52 AM  

  • @chillabong: ooh foreplay huh!!? kinky!! im liking idea. shall think more on it. n yes george bush and blair shaking tails would make for a looooveeely picture. i think bush's tail would be like a donkeys, wouldnt u agree?

    By Blogger Ron, at 3:54 AM  

  • and monisha koirala would star in, or claim to have been tricked into starring in, a little tail of love?
    thought provoking indeed.

    By Blogger the still dancer, at 4:40 AM  

  • I had a of question on point 1: How did u decide on those particular animals.

    Also, thinking about crossing fences, sometimes the tails would get stuck. It may be more painful.

    Sitting in Cars or Chairs maybe a little impractical. Maybe we will have to change those designs too.

    By Blogger Kausum, at 10:36 AM  

  • Boy!!
    I thot Only I had a wierd wife..Rahul is in for some tough times!!
    Maybe he and me should have an offline conversation..he needs some pre marriage counselling;-)

    By Blogger Anand, at 6:02 PM  

  • Tui khepe gechhish... suddenly our 'tashgoru' came in my mind.. ur namesake...

    between I have started bloggin once more, do check....

    Lejurgiri chharo ebaar

    By Blogger cyberoam, at 9:38 PM  

  • @arka: such an interesting thought really!!!

    @kausum: y wud we cross fences? n even if we did, we would hold our tails high up in the air like horses so that they wouldnt get caught. as for cars...ya i guess they would need to be modified.

    @anand: henh henh. im soooo glad to have gotten to know ekta i cannot tell you. but ya sure, by all means do have off line sessions with rahul..he could do with some counselling :P

    @sayan: hmmmm....if sukumar roy can write about gonf why cant i write abt lej? very unfair.

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:09 AM  

  • @Kausum: sorry i missed your question...i decided on those animals coz they have the nicest tails around. nice, thick, swishy, nice colored...

    @sayan: tashgoru would have a tail like a cows...coloured to match her hair...and she would flip her tail n her hair around at the same time.

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:47 AM  

  • I was thinking of robbers and thieves who would need to go thru the fences rather than over them. See, I am a equal oppurtunist ;)

    Btw, I thought of hair bands, ribbons etc for the tails ...

    I think thats it .. thinking out of the box is fun. Takes ur mind from the job at hand.

    By Blogger Kausum, at 9:16 AM  

  • Goodie brilliant idea, listen not to anyone who says you are crazy or drunk. YOu could launch a whole line of tale cosmetics and beauty products, tail mascara, cinditioner, shampoo :D.

    By Blogger Dreamcatcher, at 11:49 AM  

  • Ron...Suku dadu was genuis and he had the licence on nonsense... kothaye tui, kothaey suku dadu

    By Blogger cyberoam, at 8:30 AM  

  • @kausum: hmmm, interesting. as i sed we would hold our tails high up in the air when crossing fences :P

    @DC: aarrey!! tai toh bolchi. sucha lucrative thought really. ppl are most unkind you know.

    @sayan: oh keep quiet and go away.

    By Blogger Ron, at 3:41 AM  

  • Ronita...i dn't know if its mere providence or not...but here's an article from 'mumbai mirror' which talks abt this chap from Jalpaiguri who has a tail..n not just any tail..but a super miraculous one at that...one that apparently cures ailments et al...read it for urself...here's the link...

    http://www.mumbaimirror.com/nmirror/mmpaper.asp?sectid=4&articleid=62020062153363596202006215335406

    pjk

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:50 PM  

  • Na na, of course you're not completely off ur head. Perfectly lejitimate thoughts. Ekdom.
    [say, does ur head hurt? think carefully. going by the last few posts, ur head should definitely hurt kintu.]
    :-D

    By Blogger rainbeau_peep, at 8:31 PM  

  • @pjk: thank you. now all those nasty people who said nasty tingas about my sanity will know that such things HAPPEN. its not so crazy to think of human tails after all. so there!!!

    @rainbeau: dont you have to recover from an eye operation *nasty look* should youi be reading blogs and leaving rude comments *REALLLY nasty look* go and recuperate quietly child :P

    By Blogger Ron, at 11:31 PM  

  • How to u get these many guys to comment on your blog :-/

    By Blogger Maruti, at 12:15 AM  

  • hmm ... and men could argue ... ``mine's bigger than yours.'' And what i wouldn't have in length, i'd make up for in girth :P

    for some reason, i thought i'd already commented here...

    By Blogger 4WD, at 4:18 AM  

  • @maruti..welcome to my blog. and i honestly have no idea why and how so many people comment here. there was a time when i used to beg friends and family to read and comment...so that i would have at least 2/ 3 comments, then suddenly people started popping up from all directions. most gratifying it is :)

    @4WD: nope you hadnt. men wouldnt need to be in the toilet to check each other tails out n compare. they could do it any time anywhere and feel happy (or sad..depending) :D

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:58 AM  

  • OMG! I seriously pity him... inspite of u waking him up..he said 'we shall grow tommorrow'.. lovely!!
    and so many people who agree vth ur thoughts... ur post n coments were really intresting.. i am still laughing for some of the lines!!:)

    By Blogger J-O-S-H (My Bench !), at 3:05 PM  

  • ha ha ... knw wat?? i got up at ur unearthly hour today n stamped my dogs tail..!! b4 i cud realize i did..i am already laughing my heart out!ur post made me start my day vth a hearty laugh... thanx to ur post! poor one..its fine..don worry!

    By Blogger J-O-S-H (My Bench !), at 7:04 PM  

  • @j-o-s-h: sometimes i pity rahul too...poor boy. same could be said of you dog too :P

    By Blogger Ron, at 5:20 AM  

  • Lol! Pretty creative, I must say. But I can't think of anything else to add to the list! :)

    By Blogger Rita, at 9:08 AM  

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