Life's Like That

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Tick tock tick tock

Im sorry about this disappearing act of mine, it really is threatening to become a habit. I cant help it, I was sooooo busy all this time…. Delhi Colleague 2 was here, being annoying and dumb and Delhi like, had 2 events, had to go to Chennai for a wedding, discuss dal with T at 12 in the night …so many things. You tell me, with a life as full of stuff as this how can you blame me for not posting sooner?

Anyways, now that excuses have been made and hopefully accepted, lets move on, shall we?

I am feeling very motherly…maane, maternal instincts, for some reason, are bubbling over. I don’t particularly want to have a baby now,( I think I would be labeled a “fallen woman” if I did) or anytime in the near future, but it would be nice to play with a ready made baby. To coo over it, pat its tiny hands, feed it Cerelac...stuff like that. I do not, however, have access to babies of any description. And people are being rather uncooperative as far as having babies (or obtaining them for me…yes Arka I mean you) is concerned. Most disappointing.

The worst part though, is that small children of all shapes and sizes are being thrust at me from all sides. And I DO NOT like children. Don’t get me wrong…I love babies…small cuddly little things, but children I detest. According to me, a young human being under the age of 5 is a baby…its sweet and nice, cant talk clearly (at least I think so), has attitude but not too much of it, is cuddly and likes being cuddled. Anything beyond the age of 5 is obnoxious and toooooo full of attitude and troublesome and a thorough pest.
Ideally (spare me the criticisms will ya?) I would like to have a baby sometime in my life but give it away to someone when it turns 5, and maybe take it back when it is about 21 years old. Can’t bear the years in between. Teenagers….oooh *shudders*

Actually, one can’t really blame the kids, parents these days don’t seem to understand the concept of discipline and teaching their offspring good manners. My parents would scold me when I spoke out of turn or when I interrupted people when they were talking…something I don’t see too many people doing these days. Its impossible to have a conversation with my friend if her 7-year-old daughter is around…that attention starved little pest will interrupt every 5 secs with some comment or question or the other. All the while her mother will smile beatifically and I will be forced to transform my “uffff can I just slap this kid” feelings into “isn’t she a doll” type of reaction…through gritted teeth of course!!

And what’s with the shouting and screaming and running around in public places? Its not your house kid! Don’t scream and don’t run around other people. How hard is it for parents to tell their children that? On the train to Chennai, poor sleep deprived me was desperately trying to take a nap…but how could anyone sleep with this little boy yelping (please read with a strong South Indian accent) “DADDEEEEEE why is the sky so high?” type question every few minutes? Once the questioning stopped, the word games began, this time with AMMAAAAA. And once AMMAAA started I realized why the child didn’t know how to keep his voice down. Ufff!!! Then of course was the physical games with ANNNNNAAAAAA, which involved thundering down one end of the aisle to another and shrieking incessantly. Loud comments about ill-mannered children and useless parents had no effect whatsoever. That was one thick-skinned loud family. Oh and inordinately proud of their pestilential son. Every time sonny got a word right (word games with AMAAAA remember?) the entire family would beam with pride and look around waiting for the “sooooo cutee, soooo bright” reactions from the unfortunate people around them. Gragrh!!! I would have dearly liked to throw the entire family out of the train. If only Rahul would let me! Gragrh again!!

I could go on and on with this rant. But shall stop now and eat some ice-cream. If you have small babies, or have access to the same, please let me know so that I can come and play with them. People with small children (5 years and above) need not apply, instead take that time and try to discipline your child….for the love of god, please discipline them!!!!!!

PS: Please note, my 15 year old sister and 7 year old cousin do not fall under the category of pestilential children...they are honeybuns. They are related to me after all *smug look*

30 Comments:

  • To coo over it, pat its tiny hands, feed it Cerelac...stuff like that.

    Clean its poop, change its diaper, clean its poop, feed it five times in the night, clean poop again, try to make it eat something othet than its hands -- stuff like THAT?

    God, woman, do you read Dooce or not?

    By Blogger The Marauder's Map, at 3:05 AM  

  • You'd be deeelighted to know, you're just the person I've been looking phor all this while for my most angelic soon-to-turn three year old. Your job responsibilities will include: feeding her breakfast(please have 7 kinds handy for the week), which may take anything from 30 mins to 3 hrs depending on your innovative adn creative capabilities; doing the jigsaw puzzles with her(she'd done them a zillion times and knows them back to front so you better be reaal faast); knowing your TELL ME WHY series by heart, inside out; being very specific about the "WHAT is this?" which may range from parts of your body to sundry accessories on your slippers; knowing all the HR(uff can't even take his full name, feeling puky already)songs and singing them in the exact nasal tone;... you really want more on your plate? Come into my parlour, young lady and coo over it and pat its little fingers... Oh and yeah, she loves to eat off other people's plates and licks the plate clean after the Maggi's been polished off...so you needn't really bother about cleaning her dishes;) Come, come, stop by some time. You'll love it!

    By Blogger Priya, at 3:38 AM  

  • Err, the Marauder led me here, so shoot her;)

    By Blogger Priya, at 3:39 AM  

  • @marauder: arrey!! did I not make the extent of my responsibilities crystal clear right at the beginning?? coo, stroke and maybe feed cerelac is the max ill do...for everything else there is the baby's own mother na. hand it right back.

    @priya di: arrey! welcome welcome. like i just told the delightfully vague marauder, my responsibilities are restricted to cooing stroking and occassionaly feeding...for a limited period of time only(once maternal instincts get over themselves i shall go back to non cooing activities )for everything else theres u na. i mean come oonnnnn...who can replace a mothers love!!?

    PS: might sound strange, but i really have no issues with changing baby diapers or baby poop. and i do love jigsaw puzzles...hmmm....interesting.

    PPS: i cannot access your blog. it has the word "chat" in the url, thereby ensuring that it is firewalled at my workplace. and im not rich enough to have computer at home :)

    By Blogger Ron, at 4:20 AM  

  • Listen, do NOT take Priya di seriously. She has a lovely daughter who's not at all like the revolting picture she has painted. The little person is quite your elegant little lady, articulate and well-mannered. She does not poop incessantly like babies, nor is she brattish at all. You would love her.

    (And licking Maggi off plates is sweet. And unaffacted)

    By Blogger The Marauder's Map, at 4:40 AM  

  • Oooh I want one too. I mean a baby girl. And she should come with a nanny who will do the poop cleaning. I will just cuddle her to glory:-)

    By Blogger AB, at 5:16 AM  

  • i want a kid v badly too. was waiting for 'appropriate stage in life' but now think will never come. should i go the sush way? can afford 2 but want 4, eventually, being the only problem ;)

    ei year end obdi 'bey' na hole ... erokum kichhu ekta korte hobe na hole amaar abby gulo o amaake ask korbe 'dida, why is the sky so high' ... bujhli?

    lol. nice to see u write after so long. be good ...

    prero.

    By Blogger Prerona, at 5:57 AM  

  • good to have you back ron. and khaal ketey kumir ana ekei bole. With cuddling and cooing and all that nice stuff comes poop cleaning and all the nasty stuff too.

    By Blogger M (tread softly upon), at 6:48 AM  

  • good to have u back ron.

    i love babies. like- before they r 1.5yrs or at the most 2yrs. i.e before they start to talk fluently n before the "behaviour" sets in.

    have 2 myself. n each time its a completely different experience taking to consideration i have a girl(all girly girly with her barbie n all) n a boy a typical boy. he is jus 1.8yrs n loves to play bat n ball. or shall is say cricket? u should see him bowl n like a big guy lifts both his hands up in the air n says yehhhh. one of few things he can say.

    I have no issues with poop.

    they r really cuddly little bears any child i.e.

    but mine r away at the moment(a week now @ my in-laws place n r havin a blast) n i'm low :-( miss them a lot.

    hope u find a little angle to pamper n cuddle till ur instinct stays...n after? poor angle.

    b/w i had left a comment at ur last post. hope u read it.(mine was the last i think). T C bye

    By Blogger sonia, at 3:21 PM  

  • And people are being rather uncooperative as far as having babies (or obtaining them for me…yes Arka I mean you) is concerned. Most disappointing.
    You know what I say to that?
    pffffffffffft
    And I reapeat,
    pffffffffffft

    By Blogger the still dancer, at 10:23 PM  

  • @marauder: hmm, priya di's daughter does sound very cute.

    And priya di, licking maggi off plates (or for that matter excellent food of any other kind) is quite acceptable behaviour. i dont mean to potray myself as an immature social skill-less indiviual, but when i am eating good food alone in my home, i am often tempted to do the same myself. whether i actually do or not...well...nevermind, lets move on to some other topic of discussion shall we?

    @ab: baby girls are much mor e"play-able" than baby boys, dont you think??

    @prerona:ooooh, quickly have a baby or adopt one....quick quick. ill come play with it. and start with one or two and slowly but steadily move onto 4..ete aar mushkil ki :)

    @m: oh its so good to see you back on my blog. welcome back :)
    and as i was telling marauder...poop and diapers is not a problem really. and as long as the baby belongs to someone else, i can always give it back when it gets cranky, or when i get bored ;P

    @sonia: ooh, i suppose your son will soon be jumping around and screaming HOWZZAT?? as soon as vocabulary permits i.e :) they both sound verrrry cute.i did read your comment on my last post and rushed to post again :)

    @arka: hrrrpmmh!! see this is EXACTLY why i call you a child, child.

    By Blogger Ron, at 10:51 PM  

  • some days back i saw on TV, baby prototypes which are given to teenage expecting mothers just to give them a feel of what it is to have a real one. you are supposed to feed it when it cries and cuddle it etc...and it has a chip at the back which captures data on how many times it cried and was neglected...so they know one has been a 'bad mommy'...it was kind of strange to see couples take a 'fake' baby out on a walk in a stroller...but then when people can have virtual pets, why not fake babies...?

    By Blogger Reshma Anand, at 2:47 AM  

  • Jaaaaa, most haaart to heeaar abouut u not habhing access to my blog. Ki jaali office mairi..chhere dey, chhere dey. Babysitting will fetch u faar more money;) I wanted you to read what I posted today...sad , bheeryyy saad. Think of it, life without chat in office- shudder shudder- I'd die...quit NOW!

    By Blogger Priya, at 4:16 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Delirium, once Delight, at 6:25 AM  

  • I want babies. Then I want a 24-hour nanny to do the revolting jobs. Said nanny must resemble the wicked witch of the west in looks, so that my potential millionaire husband won't have naughty thoughts about her, and must have the golden heart of a stern disciplinarian nun to make my children the well-behaved, scrubbed, meek and polite, seen-but-not-heard kind of children we all hear about but see no evidence of existing.

    Not bad for a dream, is it ;)

    By Blogger good morning, midnight, at 6:28 AM  

  • hey...I was always here....just didn't say much.

    By Blogger M (tread softly upon), at 6:34 AM  

  • @priyadi: i take it you are willing to make a lucrative offer for my babysitting services?? talk money my dear friend, and we shall consider quitting immediately :P

    i have access to google talk and thats all. thank godddd for google talk!!

    @gm,m: hmmm...nice plan. but really, once you get used to the poop and the puke, its not to bad. why even at the age of 12, i took my sisters frequent "poop on didia" episodes with stoic calm and proceeded to clean both of us without so much as turning a hair. i am very proud of myself.

    @m: good to hear that :D

    By Blogger Ron, at 6:52 AM  

  • @reshma: dono how i missed you back there:)i saw this serial where these fathers to be were given similar "babies" how freaky is that!!! play doll at the age of 33! americans i tell u!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 6:55 AM  

  • @reshma: dono how i missed you back there:)i saw this serial where these fathers to be were given similar "babies" how freaky is that!!! play doll at the age of 33! americans i tell u!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 6:56 AM  

  • Lol! That was interesting. One of friends thinks that it is difficult took after babies till they are three. After that they are kind of okay, since they spend most of their time in school. She plans to get into a contract with her mother when she has a baby. Her mum will look after the infant till it is three and she will bring it back after that. Howz the idea, huh? :P

    By Blogger Rita, at 1:17 AM  

  • I think you need to look at the brighter side of things. The kid atleast gave us something to vent out our frustration

    By Anonymous rahul, at 3:13 AM  

  • "coo over it, pat its tiny hands, feed it Cerelac...stuff like that"
    Right. As for the cleaning up at both ends, dosing with gripe water and parading in lap at unearthly hours, somebody else should do that? Smarrrrutt gurrrul!
    (On the up-side, mine is now the World's Best Kisser. Mmmmm!)

    J.A.P.

    By Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock, at 2:26 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Ekta, at 11:16 PM  

  • Maternal instincts already!!
    Ron..have u been naughty recently!
    Rahul...trust me a women getting maternal instincts isnt good news post marriage...!
    p.s:- I hope I have created enugh spark for some heated discussion betwen the two of u...sadistic pleaures of life..hehahah!
    p.s:- Sorry cldnt speak to u in blore da

    By Blogger Anand, at 11:18 PM  

  • @rita: ooooh after the age of 3, children become very ovbersmart. they talk, they ask too many questions, they say NO to everything, they have tantrums, they demand things....tooooooo much trouble in my opinion. id much rather deal with a pooping baby who is otherwise not too troublesome than a small child! :D

    @rahul: VENT FRUSTRATIONS!!!??? who vented frustrations?? i wanted to, by throwing that child and its DADEEE and AMMAAA and ANNNNAA out of the bloody train, but you did not allow me!! gah!!

    @JAP: erm...well, yes, for the time being.i mean, its not MY baby is it?? So my interaction with it should be restricted to pleasant things, whats a mother there for?? impeccable un-arguable logic isnt it? :P

    PS: can i meet your baby??? and play with her / him??

    @anand: heh!! being naughty or not has nothing to do with maternal feelings. one gets them from time to time, and recovers soon also :D
    and with friends like you, who needs enemies!? dont go around putitng ideas into the boy's head i say!!

    By Blogger Ron, at 12:03 AM  

  • Haha, as Those Experienced In Such Matters have commented before me, cleaning is the verb of essence when you're talking kids. I know, my cousin just had a son. I DON'T envy her, I don't!

    On a solidarity-note, me neither! Can't stand kids, even quite a few of those related to me. Ki oshobhyo, uff! Khali bayna aar chitkaar!

    By Blogger Rimi, at 2:34 AM  

  • I've always been stiff around kids. Can't connect with 'em. Not that I don't know baby talk, but always get confused what to say to those guys. When I was a 8 or 9 year old, when someone talked to me like I'm a know-nothing baccha, I fumed inside.
    and it's true. kids are messy. chitkar, chyachamechi. But my mom says, they didn't have to go through that pain when I was young. :D
    nice blog, btw, first timer here.

    By Blogger Agarwaen Mormegil, at 3:22 AM  

  • Welcum back to blog-o-sphere.If you think of anything under the age of 5 is a cutie allow me to introduce my two-an-half year old daughter. Yesterday she was asking for more chocolates after finishing a full bar. When I tried convincing her that eating chocolate is not good for your teeth she just snapped at me and said "Bhool bhal boko nah". Next 2-3 minutes I was staring blank at her mother who was doing the same.I think these days they are putting some undisclosed ingredient in baby-foods.

    By Blogger Bishu, at 3:35 AM  

  • i agree with bishu there. they seem to be smarter than babies used to be. they understand everythg u say n respond well if they choose to. u r normally left with ur mouth wide open after u hear their dialouges or see an action n it levaes u wondering where they learnt it from.

    my son is very fond of kissing now its mmmma for all. n he'll pull u down to kiss u. n thats shooo shweeet. n he also gives u nice tight hugs. will surely give u some if he meets u. n now he likes to eat from his own plate. thg a mess its good to see.
    n u know it seems chocolates makes them more loving. so better give them some more of it for those cuddles. worth all that...mmma. n mind u neva give them chocolate at night. they get hyper n neva sleep.(heard someone say this)no experience with it thg.

    By Blogger sonia, at 4:36 PM  

  • @rimi:cleaning, in my opinion is not half as painful as listening to small childrent alk back to you...jaake bole mukhe mukhe kotha. add to it the screaming shouting bad manners destructive behaviour....oooooooffff!!! awful!

    @agarwaen mormegil: you in your baby days would have been just what i am looking for. unfortunately you are no longer a baby...welcome to my blog anyways, thanks for the kind words :)

    @bishu: well she sounds cute. and who wouldnt want more chocolate? as for bhul bhal boka...weeeeelll...im sure she feels that something that tastes that good cant possibly harm you..ekdom correct two year old logic you see :)
    but you are right, kids these days are really very smart, and they seem to be getting smarter by the day.

    @sonia:bishu was right you know...unknwon ingredient in babyfood, thats the only explaination for kids being sooooo smart these days. as for kissing, i remember at one point my little cousin wouldnt want to kiss on the cheek and would demand to kiss only on the lips "like on tv"...very scary it was.

    By Blogger Ron, at 10:26 PM  

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